Stand, Forest, Stand!

I am a deer.  Soft and gentle; but alert, focused, highly sensitive to every snap of a twig and nuance of change in my surroundings.  I have been gifted with discernment and it has served me well.  I can take the "temperature" in any situation I find myself in.  I can be tranquil; playful in my world until I sense danger.  My head snaps up, I stare it down and if I feel threatened, I snort and my super power kicks in.  I become invisible.  Wanna know how I do it?  I bolt.

I've lived most of my life "on the bolt."  To do that, I had to come up with a foolproof plan.  I'd live separate from the herd.  They could see me but I kept my eye on them and one hoof pointed out, ready to run.  I would be a deer; I just wouldn't join in any deer games.  Living life as an invisible deer on the lam, brought with it a special sort of dilemma.  I didn't know how to be a deer or even if I was a real deer.   I began to believe I was a decoy. And the longer I lived "invisible", the more the other deer really didn't see me.  I grew defiantly panicked and began to seek out other animals that would take me in.  But I realized they saw me as prey and I hid.  I became listless and lifeless and my coat was dull, my eyes started to loose their sense of wonder.  I was an invisible deer with no sense of purpose.  I'd been left behind by my own choice.

And then, one day, out of the blue......another deer approached me while I was asleep in the field, exhausted,  and nudged me with her nose.  I was too tired to run.  She saw that I was weak, so she gently pulled me to a safe spot and began to feed me.  I grew stronger and made preparations in my mind to bolt.  But she came after me and sat on me and wouldn't let me leave.  I thrashed around and tried to bite her; I ignored her.  She would not let me up.  "Tell me who you are," she said.  And she looked me right in the eye and waited for me to answer.  

"I don't know," I said.  "I don't know."

That was the beginning of God loving me through another. I began to believe that I was loved.  And it changed my deer heart.  I have begun to use my deer gifts, not for my own protection, but for other deer I meet along the way.  My legs wobble and I start to snort and everything in me wants to bolt.  But my deer friend calls behind me...."STAND RIGHT THERE.  That is love.  That is who you are."

This morning, on my walk in the woods, I came across a deer in the path.  As I slowly walked toward it, we locked eyes.  I expected it to bolt.  Instead, it slowly walked just to the edge of the trees and I passed right by it.  That is me.  Learning not to be afraid to risk being a real deer.