Here goes

And so.....after years, literally years, of saying..."I'd like to write", and long before such an unheard of thing as "blogging".....and after many people in my life saying, "You should write".....here I am.

And so.....I write.  And if I write, they might read.  And that makes me have diarreah.  Because, to me, writing out loud is sort of like standing up naked on a tree stump and yelling..."Hey!  Over here!  If you don't mind, I'd like to  tell you all about myself and what I think and feel, dressed in technicolor nothing.  And when I'm done, I'd love it if you could criticize, misunderstand, smirk, or just yawn and walk away."   It's funny, isn't it?  How we all deal with life differently...some of us jump up and down to be heard.  Some of us walk along contentedly being seen or not seen.   Some of us hide.  I'm a hider.

Here's the thing though.  Hiders don't always look like hiders.  Sometimes they smile and talk and laugh and eat and take out the garbage, just like the rest of you.   And you might think, "Look at them.  Aren't they confident and secure.  We need them at our next bible study to liven things up."  And they come and drink coffee with cream and share an insight or two and  then they go and you think "Boy, I'm glad they came. How real they are!"  And yet....they hid.  Right there in front of you.

Years ago as a child when it was time for the kids' choir to get up and sing in church, I remember feeling petrified at the thought.  Ever resourceful, I devised a plan.  If I barely moved my lips, no one will notice me. Further still, on the off chance that they DID notice me, I would lip sync.  So, essentially, I attempted to be both invisible and unheard. So why get up there at all, you ask?  Because hiders want to be seen and heard.  And it scares them.  All at the same time. I wager, hiders hide because they are afraid.  Because they are ashamed.  Because they are unsure whether or not it's ok.  Just generally, is it ok?  And so you see my toe dipping ever so gingerly into those letters and forming words and laying them down on the map and seeing them float off and wondering....will this be ok?

The little choir girl has decided to stop lip syncing and just sing out.  Do re mi!