I headed up to go to sleep and Something called me outside. It's curious to me, how, the closer I get to God, the lonelier I can feel sometimes. The world seems tasteless to me in those times. My appetite seems to crave something I can't find. I go back downstairs to get a chocolate brownie and take it with me back outside.
I have this song plugged into my ears right now as I stare up at the ceiling of stars. My boy sang it at my father's memorial service last year. God? See me here? I've banked every. single. thing. on You. I'm screwed royal if You don't show up. My work, My yearning to connect. My desire to be loved while I'm here walking the ground You made. My car that threatens me every few months to stop cold and take all my money. You're all I got, God. You're it. You're my everything.
I grab the air in front of me to remind me He's real and hold His "hand" in my mind. I'm staking me here, right here on this porch. Yet though You slay me, still I will trust in You.
When You're eyes on on this child? Your grace abounds to me. I'm counting on that.
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