Excuse Me While I Talk to God.....

I could not get to my computer fast enough.  I just left a room full of people praying and I tuned my ear in to the sound in the room; all at the same time, talking to the Creator of all things good.  And I need to let my heart spill out in words what I heard.

Father, there's people with everyday pain that will heal in time with surgery or medicine.  And then there's those who are bracing themselves for an ending that doesn't feel or look like love at all.  The truth is, God?  Sometimes?  Your grace isn't my definition of it.  And while I stomp my foot or look at you incredulously and ask to take the wheel and "fix" things different....there's a part of my gut that is glad that I can't manipulate You.  That somehow knows.... and Father please, on days when I don't know at all and accuse You of forgetting what You're supposed to have done, still teach me....that Your grace is for my good.  Always.  Even through gritted teeth at moments, I look at my newly inked tattoo of a "legacy" tree that serves to remind me to choose to define through Your eyes; Your truth.

Someone shared that the root word for grace called to mind  that of a ship wrapped up in protective tar during a storm. I can feel my heels dig in as I consider that grace can deliver me, it can even rescue me completely and remove me from something, but it can also wrap me up tight while I walk through....preserved. This grace is the uncomfortable kind that grinds off rough places and loosens grips.  It can bring you to your shaky knees.  It's the kind that scares me.

Thank You for the gift of hard things, that causes our walls to fall down between each other and You, and we reach out desperate for life support.  The inconvenience of others' needs, of our own limits,  forces us out of our heads and we bump up next to each other in these close quarters that You've hemmed us into.

For the grace You put in our lives that we don't ask You for; the grace that teaches the hardest of truths.  For the sleep we loose and the ache we feel and the tears that feel like they'll never stop; and the surprise of joy that can come out of nowhere......

I'm gonna lay it at Your feet, God.  And admit I don't understand it most days.  And fix my eyes still on my Faithful Creator.

And this is what I pondered during Moms in Prayer today.  :)