I've tried to write a blog post for almost two hours tonight. I pawed through words like scrabble pieces but they sat mute in their little wooden pews. I wasn't hearing anything. Except "worship". Then I realized it was Him, telling me what He wanted. The thing is, I wanted the "company" of words and I'm feeling lonely.
In a minute I'm taking the list of names of those of you who have messaged me today to pray for you. That will be my only companion, at least one to hold in my hand. In November, I had someone pray over me prophetically. In that prayer, God specifically said two things that I can't seem to get away from; not that I'd want to; but it keeps coming up to me in what I read, conversations, in my spirit. The first is, "I've created you to be exactly who you are. You are unique and I have placed inside of you a spirit of joy. BE WHO I MADE YOU TO BE. With that joy, you will bless others and draw them to you, and thus to Me." The second thing was "I am taking you to higher and higher places with Me. I have a new place for you. I want to bless you. Make yourself ready before Me."
As I type this, I'm shaking. I feel Him asking me to give Him the control. Not that He doesn't already have it? But He's wanting me to do it deliberately. I sense He's telling me that He is waiting to speak until I do. I have run many times lately to my room and gotten on my knees asking Him hard questions, craving to hear. Tonight, He's got His hand out.
I know I'm not alone. But all I hear right now are birds, all I see right now is me in my yard and one lone deer. If you are reading this, could you pray for me?
I want to learn how to worship Him even when I feel like I have nothing else to live for.
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