Be Who You Is

Twice in the past three years I've been spoken over prophetically.  For those of you unfamiliar with that, it means that someone speaks into your life with a supernatural "knowledge" about you.  In other words, God puts it there and they give it to you.  Since both of these encounters occurred in a church setting, I have them recorded and I listen to them from time to time. Coming from my background, I would not have held much stock in that kind of experience, but for living it myself.

My sucker punch to the gut is "hearing" the taunting voice that I am "wrong".  Not wrong about things; just wrong for being.  If there was a job description, I never fit it.  If there's was bar to be reached, I'd always be an inch too short.  If there were some sort of criteria for selection, I'd be one cookie short of a full batch.  It has been a lifelong lie that's nailed me down.   This morning I woke up with that old familiar voice sneering in my ears.  I thought to grab my keys and go out to my car and listen to my tape.  This is because I have an old, humbling car with only a cassette player in it.  For some reason, the church I went to gave me cassettes of my prophecies.  Isn't that just like the Father?  He saw to that little detail.

The voice of the young, black woman came out of my car speaker.  I've listened to it so many times already and I smile every time I hear it, usually through tears.  I hug the the way she says it hard because it's imperfectly perfect.  She spoke with unhesitating authority.

"Daughter,  just know that I made you unique.  Even with your name, there is a uniqueness about it and you are a unique person."  He says that He don't want you to be like nobody else but you just be yourself, the way that you is.  He says, "I made you that way and I made you the way that I wanted you to be.  Even with your personality and that joy that you have, you don't realize how it affects other people.  You look at yourself and you may not think that you matter to people but you do and they can see Him through you.  So He says,"Daughter, keep on going forth and just know that I am with you and I am your God and I made you the way that you are.  Don't change.  I will use the way that I made you to reach others.  You are a person that spreads joy."

Being unique, being called "unique" sometimes feels lonely to me.  Unique sounds like "weird" in my ears. I see myself in a cage at the circus.  "Come one, come all, Marvel at the unique lady!"  I feel the separation.  I've longed to be like everyone else except myself.  But this young woman's words?  They fall different on me.  Maybe I wasn't a mistake after all, some morphed version of what's alright.

My name, in Hebrew, means "palm tree".  I wondered what that represented biblically and went to fetch my computer.  God?  Who am I?  Why did you make me a palm tree?

• an abundance of especially refreshing fruits;
• its growth: rather fast, and straight up;
• the ever-green leaves at its top;
• with its raised branches/leaves (the official term is: fronds) at its top it seems to worship God the way it was done in Biblical times: with raised arms;
• to that end, those fronds let themselves easily moved by the wind (the Spirit of God);
• by its example and by its fruits it stimulates men to look up and to listen to God.

  

"People with this name tend to be compassionate, passionate, intuitive and romantic.  They tend to follow professions where they can serve humanity.  They are affectionate, giving and fall in love easily.  They draw people to them."

I sat in my yard reading these words.  My Father made me, is making me and this morning He showed me why.  In the big, big world I am not even a ripple.  But, Jesus loves me, this I know.  And He made me who I is.