Dying Well and Living Now

I've been reading the blog of the husband of Joey, part of the husband and wife country duo Joey and Rory that, until very recently, I was not familiar with.  It's breaking my heart, really.  This man and his wife are saying goodbye, one moment at a time.  She is dying.  They have a young child.  They had plans and things were going well in their career.  They had a concert barn right on their property where they were able to live and work together, they way they wanted it.  They loved their God.  And all was right with the world.  And then this happened.

Her friends are coming a few at a time to tell her goodbye and share memories and tears and spend earthly time with her, so fleeting now.  It's rich time, her husband writes.  Her rough cut wooden coffin with a cross on it, handmade by friends to Joey's specifications, sits in a compartment under their tour bus, waiting.  Their focus is narrowed, highly sharpened. And yet the edges are soft and wrap around them, their friends and family.  They are making a difference in people's living, even while she dies.  They're looking into each other's eyes.  Speaking words.  Taking time to notice the details of each other.  Sometimes they're at peace and sometimes they gasp crying to keep breathing.

I think about how easy it would be to panic.  To frantic grab for distraction or denial.  To waste time wringing hands.  But they seize wisely and hold firm.  I want to be like that in the land of the living; the right now.  So that when the dying comes?  I can know I didn't waste time on what didn't matter.

I think about things that hurt me, scare me, disappoint me.  This living, it's not for the faint hearted.  Not to live well, at least.  I struggle some days to keep my face to the wind.  Times are, honestly, when living is not all it's cracked up to be and you reach to find the meaning of the dailies.  But I dare myself to not give up.  To grab hold of others and whisper brave for them to do the same.  To look for the sweet Providence in the bitterest of roots.

To not waste time.