I know someone. He's so smart. Just about everything. I find that shiny and interesting and I love to hear what he says. I wonder how he KNOWS that .....he just shrugs, like it's nothing. It makes me laugh, delighted in that. Somehow it settles me and I feel peaceful and safe and it stirs my curiosity to hear more. "I wish I was that smart. That kind of smart. Important kind of smart," I think to myself
I'm smart. Just in a different way. I like words and using them to touch people's hearts. I can understand different than me and different than me doesn't scare me. I'm drawn to what people don't say or the small things that sometimes go unnoticed, unless you're paying attention, and I pay attention. I notice the ignored, the struggle, the sparkle that goes beyond surface that makes a person who they are in a quiet room when they share it with you. I realize that my own struggles have sewn themselves together to make a safe quilt that I put around others.
It's just.....not all that shiny. And it pushes my invisible button some days.....the one that says...."yeah. right. as if...." Today, as I've done every day since school started, I walked the halls of the building in the dark of the morning praying. I plug my ears with worship music and begin talking.....and listening. Partly because it sets my heart in it's place. Partly because it drowns out the doubt that causes me to feel like I can't keep up with an imaginary standard.
This day, I was alone, I thought, when I heard my name called behind me. "Tamara," said the man, "I know you pray. I'll be traveling later today. If you think of it, I'd appreciate you praying for me." It was a quiet, simple request and then he walked on. I thanked him for asking me and stood for a minute in my spot. Smiling. I know you pray.
Into the school store charged the kids, a few minutes later. I had no candy to pass out this morning. I'd just plain run out the night before. "I don't want any candy. I just came to tell you that I love you and give you a hug." These kids. They beat in my heart. They know that I love them.
These things? I know they're small, I can't take them into a board room and impress anyone. But if today, I died? I know you pray was enough. Thank you, Father, for giving me my legacy.
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