I've used my Saturday time to visit my mama, to shop for people physically unable to get out, to restock my own pantry shelves, fold the laundry and speak to friends experiencing life in a big way today, mulling over how to live it with them. I'm grateful for those talks. What they go through, I go through with them and they've been there for me as well. It makes a difference, who we sit with in this life. I can stand next to many people. But those I take in and linger with? They make my bones stronger. And it seems God has being adding extra whipped cream these days with well placed and appointed women that I can grow with. Women not afraid to sit across from me and challenge me and invite me into their own circle; to speak and be spoken into. I thrive on that.
So the girl is curled up in her bed, homeworking. And I am keeping company with Beth Moore, a favorite bible teacher, and my cup of coffee. She and Christine Caine? I like them. They are strong in their faith and bold in their words when it counts. They are my heroes. They are women, both with a messy past, who have been put where they are by the hand of their Creator. They live lovely, honorable lives. They love their husbands well. They carry themselves with dignity, dress with beauty that says "I'm worth listening to." They are women who show the imprint of the One they follow.
These women have a voice, strong and sure, and something to say with it. The past few weeks have been a garden tilling for me,, stepping out of a lifelong box and speaking when it pounded in my chest to do so. He's had me in a greenhouse these past few years, teaching me how to live brave and honest. I've felt myself begin to bloom new shoots that are unfamiliar to me. My little plant legs wobble some days and it's easier for me to find my voice in print. But here lately? I feel His hand on my back pushing me forward, straining for a prize I've yet to fully understand. It fits like new shoes and I put bandaids on the blisters formed and don't trust the blister pain for truth.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue-Proverbs 31:26, Beth reminds me. I stop and sprinkle that into my heart soil like fertilizer. This is the boldness I crave. Uncompromising; "put in" with kindness that's neither patronizing, nor does it flinch. I pour my second cup of coffee and sit by the window to watch the rain for a few minutes. To let the words sink in and not rush off too quick. He's calling me to speak. I can sense it. I find a fingernail file to keep in my purse, to remind me to allow Him to file off fear and insecurity that wears itself ragged and covers up my beauty. I spit that out haltingly, "my beauty". I know what I mean. I know what He means. Father? I say to the raindrops on my window. Make my kindness, Your kindness. My wisdom, Your wisdom. Make it beautiful on me.
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