A Most Silent of Nights

Silent Night is my favorite.  Since I was a girl.  It makes me fill up peaceful and quiet.  I love it so.  I cry every time I try to sing it.  The notes just right to make me feel weepy.

This version is less typical.  I love the feet out of the window in the breeze, the train going by....I so love trains. It's done by one of my favorite artists.  Josh Garrels is slightly different in his approach.  He's that blend of artistic, expresses himself just a little outside the box enough person that I find intriguing.. It grabs my feeling of being different by the hand and makes me feel at home.  Even the name of his record company, Mason Jar Music......I just like it is all.  

Christmas eve, for me, has always meant candles and warmth and quiet celebration.  I am not the party person.  Never have been.  And with six kids, that was my style of party anyway.  I loved creating traditions and reading out loud to them as they sat spellbound, Rachael's eyes turned red and watery from forgetting to blink, she was so entranced by what came next.  I let them pick four movies....four, think of it!.....and they made beds all over their big brother's bedroom floor and had a "kids' party" all their own late into the night.

I find myself smiling as I type.  I can still hear them, see them, feel the anticipation they did because I guess I've never really grown out of that little girl.  Tomorrow night, as things go, I will be spending Christmas Eve alone, the kids at their father's until late.  I've had offers from friends but there's something about the holiday at someone else's house and someone else's family.  You can end up feeling like an extra puzzle piece.  It's not how I thought this Christmas would go. It's not that I wish it couldn't be different.  But I'm ok with it.  I guess the only child in me can wear solitude easier than some.  I will get on what's left of my rainbow house slippers, the soles worn almost clear through now, from wearing them outside when I shouldn't.  

I will light my favorite pine scented candle and read the Christmas story like I have every year since I was in high school; just me and my Bible.  I will eat nutella and watch Downton Abbey from the beginning and curl up under my fluffiest comforter and talk to the Comforter Himself.  Because I have learned, truly learned, to be content in whatever the circumstances.  As it turns out, the circumstances are exactly where He is.  And that is where I want to be.