Monday, December 21, 2015

Sleep Interrupted.....Girl on Fire

I lay here in the middle of my night and I have this sense of urgency; of heightened perspective.

It's already a new day.  It'll soon be a new year.

This thought keeps coming to mind.

Nothing matters but the eternal 

I want to grab onto you, grab onto myself and say it in the mirror.....

Nothing matters but the eternal

This new year?  This new day?  Hold onto each other brave and tight and be our reminder, our encourager, our lighthouse, our compass.....yell it if you have to, like you would if you see danger ahead and you're not worried about hurt feelings at that moment because you just want them to be safe.

The distractions of the day, the needful, the creative, the sandpaper of living with each other, the abundance of money to play with, the lack of money to live with, My leg hurts, my heart hurts, where to vacation this year.  Life ends for someone, begins for another.  You've got it figured out...then...what in the world is going on?  Should we have sushi or mexican?  What will become of my kid one day, why can't I just get them to take out the trash?  Just take out the flippin trash!  And just what did you mean by that??  I'm nervous.  I'm peaceful.  Why can't I just let it go?!  Check out that chick, if I could only be married to her. I'm lonely.  Leave me alone.  Come back.  Look what I painted, look what I wrote, look what I photographed, look what I cooked....look at me, notice me, love me, do I matter, what matters, what even matters??!

God does.  Forever does.  Yeah.  But the distractions.  They pull at my head and my heart and my hands and my mind.  And before you know it I'm elbow deep in bread dough and netflix choices and financial advisors and chestnuts roasting by an open fire pursuits and arguments and hurt feelings and  relationships that exploded and when did my rudder turn??

God?  Make even my "good" things mean nothing if the eternal isn't in it.  Make my every endeavor pale, make it turn to dust, frustrate me, don't let me run away, don't let me stop too soon.  Don't let my conversations be less than honesty,  stop me, stop me, stop me.....if it takes the place of the eternal.

Don't give me what I want.  Give me all of You.






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