It's Christmastime......

It'll be different this year for Naomi and I.  Very different.  No daughters, save my girlie, will be here.  My Montana boy has already made the trek his budget will allow for this holiday time.  My two boys, one so close to leaving for the next year I can feel him starting to slip away already, his plans busily being made. will come by for awhile.  But, as motherhood goes, you work yourself out of a job and things change and there are friends and rounds to be made that year.  Time changes things.  And I'm okay with that.  I am.  I've learned to not place so much importance on one day; because it turns out each day is valuable time spent when you can find it.  I've grown to let go of expectations.  They tend to make me fretful and discontent.

I have Bea to think about now and this time next year, they will be closer and I can spill out Nana love in delicious children's books and cuddle time.  I can hardly get my brain around how that will feel.  My other girl gone west will also be home then.  She is moving back; she's lived the year she said she would and grown so strong in her faith it takes my breath away.  She comes back different, stronger, and in love.

So, my mama heart looks forward to the future; my deepest longing to nurture and bake and find quiet ways to love given a second round.  For this year, though, it will be quiet and I will spend Christmas Eve with havarti cheese and crackers and Polar Express.  Because every other day of the year, I've invested and been invested in.  And I can rest easy that I am loved.  And all is well.

Merry Christmas, friends....I love you all year long!