Violent Falling.......Tender Rescuing

That's what I love.  I learned something, so dear my heart literally grabbed hold of it hungry and keeps going back to eat more.  I learned that this verse in Micah 7....."though I have fallen, I will rise."  That word?  Fallen?  It means "a violent or accidental circumstance or event."  It jolted truth like lightning through me as I read it again and again....."hope" whispered echoey in my mind over and over.

This year I fell accidental and it felt violent.  I know it accidental because my heart has never been more pure, more listening to Him.  I cared more deeply for another than for myself and I felt cuts on my skin when I wrapped my arms around him, literally and figuratively. I knew my heart was vulnerable. His wounds wounded me.  But He said "abide, stay."  So I did.  And then day, one awful moment I took my eyes off of Him, I shut my ears to His whisper.  And I sinned.  I fell.  Violent and accidental.  I never meant to hurt.  I never meant to hurt.  I never meant to........and I ran out of breath and words.

The shadow of this picture represents for me, words I can't roll back, a mistake I can't make right.  It keeps me humbled under His hand.  And He has covered me there with His words.  "Because they had rebelled against the words of God and spurned the counsel of the Most High, therefore He bowed down their hearts......then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their darkness." Ps 107  I have fully felt the brunt of my error and I grieve for it still.  But God.......

Since that time, He has reached in and pulled out muck that I did not want to look at full on; muck that I threw at a tender soul.  He has shown me what I asked Him for; "Please God.....keep me in a place that I know when I begin to stray from You...."   He used my girl to show me.  She was there that day.  "What you said was true.  How you said it would have made me pull back.  I knew you loved him.  I think he forgot that right then."  My heart felt it immediately and I winced as He picked me up and held me close.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry, Father."  Please bind up what I can't.  My Defender, My Provider, My Savior has sewn me back together slowly but there is a sore and red place that I pray will stay tender.  It causes me to turn my eyes to Him.

I shake a little still when I look at this shadow today. I remember the day I took this.  "Tamara!" he yelled around the corner.  How I loved to hear him call my name excited.  "Come take a picture of this!" I love who it belongs to.  But I tell it to the One Who loves him perfect.  And walk in the grace and promise He's given me.......that he is not out of His sight, He's the Maker of the shadows of boys wounded and the Righter of all wrongs.