I had time to kill after school. My girl had an activity that would keep her for longer than I had activities to fill it. I left the grocery store and felt lost as soon as I got in the car. "I don't know what to do, God. Where to go."
"Nancy." Clear as a bell. I knew to go to her house. I hadn't seen her in awhile. Life. Busy. Not taking time. I called her to see if she was home. "Sure. C'mon over, sweetheart." She met me at the front door with two pieces of my favorite chocolate that she keeps in her freezer. "I took these out earlier and laid them on my counter. I knew you'd come here tonight." I started to cry and she hugged me tight. "Come sit down. I'll get the kleenex." She brought me an orange to eat. "You need to eat."
Nancy has seen me through my darkest days. She's celebrated when she's seen God show His father heart on my behalf. She's prayed when I didn't have words. She's stood me up and looked me in the eye and charged me to move forward when my compass had stopped working. She has been my "mama" when I could not go to my own.
She sat and rubbed my hand until I could figure out what to say. "I had to walk by the boy today and not stop, not talk, not act like I loved him. Because he didn't want me to. And it hurt like ignoring my own kid. I love somebody who doesn't love me back and I feel nine years old all over again." Hot tears ran down ashamed. I felt stupid and childish. I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand.
It's been five years now. Nancy lost her man to cancer. They'd been married through a lot of thick and thin and had weathered many a hard storm but they came out standing and ended strong. Now she walks alone, at least to the natural eye. She has learned a thing or two about God. "Do I Trust Him?", she sang to me tonight. "That's what I've sung many times these past five years." I've never known a stronger woman. But, I know Where it comes from. "Pray for him, Tamara. Pray for the dark to be uncovered. For the evil intent of the enemy to be defeated." I couldn't find the words. So she did.
I had to go. She followed me to the door and looked me square in the eye. "Don't make this about you, sweetheart. Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you.....wherever you go." She quoted Joshua 1:9 from memory.
"Pray for him. God wants to bless you. Be patient. Trust Him." And she stood smiling out in her yard until I drove away.
No comments:
Post a Comment