Many times I hear this. "You're so brave and honest to say what you do. It changes my walk and my perspective. It makes me feel brave." It's true I speak plain. I am an open book, most of the time. I can pull in fearful when someone intimidates me and self edit out of terror of their reaction. I don't like it when people are angry with me or don't like me. It makes me feel small and wrong. And I scramble in unhealthy ways to make it go away. But the truth is, what I feel doesn't define my character. It's just sometimes hard to ignore.
But my words have become my "calling". I tell quick whoever lays admiration at me feet, "Before you consider this a virtue, consider that I find myself told to do this by my Creator." I fuel myself through writing and "work out my salvation" by sewing thoughts together. It is true I enjoy that part. The other? The transparency? The publishing of my guts? I do it because it seems I'm "supposed to".
When I start to doubt I'm making sense,, doubt I'm doing any good, doubt I'm coming across as anything other than a needy fool.....just doubt? He sends me you and your words show me what He is intending. This that I do pulls people into my journey, pulls people to consider Him. I find myself surrounded by a cloud of witnesses right here on earth. He cloaks me with you and we form a community who gathers up close and opens our hearts to each other.
He's making us all brave, even if it's just to whisper, "I feel that too sometimes." He's calling us to press on. This life is hard. It's harder still to feel afraid alone. Or angry. Or stupid. Or joyful. Or silly.
So I will cook up my word recipes and serve them up to you. Please know how deeply it affects me when you swim up by my side in the life pool and whisper encouragement to me or tell me your own stories. You become a part of holding up my arms to brave the doubt and continue my own calling.
I love you for that.
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